After smoking a small pipe of my magical herb I usually ended up slovenly spread across my couch craving Cheetos, gummy bears, Tahitian Treat, and Grippos. No matter the strength of the craving, I was usually too lazy to do anything more than reach for the remote and declare my hunger. I was so lazy! I remember times when I had to actually slap myself in the face to gather up the strength to inch my way into the bedroom to go to sleep. After a good, yet usually heavy, night of sleep I generally found myself having to practice the same slapping ritual in the morning to get out of bed and start my day. I hated the feeling of not being one hundred percent in control of my brain and body so I quit again. I gave away my stash (although my friends tried to convince me to sell it, BUT I was very afraid lol) and I was done. I remember the exact moment when I decided that I was done. Nope, I’m not sharing.
Whereas, I believe that marijuana should be legal for both medicinal AND recreational purposes, I must admit that a lot of my friends who find peace and relaxation through smoking drive me crazy when they are high. I cannot tell you how many times I have grown frustrated trying to explain a simple idea to someone who is high and just not getting it. Or, how many times I’ve been at the drive thru window to place an order from a menu that rarely changes as one of my always-high friends blankly stares at it trying to comprehend the freaking menu that RARELY EVER CHANGES! Or, how every other word from a high friend is “huh” or “what” or “say that again” or “what do you mean.” Sometimes, when I’m on the phone with one of my weed-smoking comrades I can tell that very moment when they ascend into the clouds. First I hear the concentration in their voice as they check out of the conversation to do something more ceremonial (roll up). Then I can tell once they’ve taken that first draw because of the initial cough— if you have ever smoked you know this cough. Then after a few post cough moments I hear their voice become lower, and their words become slower and slower, until finally I’m like… “ugh, are you high?” before I get off of the phone because I’m annoyed.
Is this judgment? Absolutely! But understand that judgment is never about the other person, it’s always about the person judging. I judge my high friends because it makes me think of ALLLLL those times I did stuff, talked to people, sent emails, made phone calls, tweeted, facebooked, instagramed, and the like— thinking that I was chill, cool, calm, collected, and generally okay. I judge because I wonder, “OMG, how many times did I have convos thinking that the other person couldn’t tell I was ridding a cloud, all the while they were growing disgusted with me on the other end?!?!” Anyway, I smoked, I stopped, and now I lovingly judge my friends when they annoy me with their highness lol. Don’t judge me! -DAT